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    Friday, May 11, 2007

    My last post for a long while...

    My opinion of humanity in general has taken a massive beating this last 24-hours... I am absolutely gutted - let me explain why...

    I'm too depressed right now to write my usual essay... but I will say this - my notebook was stolen last night, and with it everything I've done up until now on Exmortis 3. Not only that - but I've lost everything I have done for the past 5 years. Yes - I backed it all up to DVD-R, but take one guess where that backup disc was being kept? That's right - in the laptop carry bag that was stolen.

    That notebook also had a lot of personal items of an unreplaceable and invaluable nature (ie. my entire music collection, digital photos of friends/family/pets compiled over the last 10 years, as well as my entire portfolio) The bag also contained my ipod, mobile phone, and car/house/office keys.

    Just so you all know, I had plans after the release of Exmortis 3 to make available for purchase online a redux DVD of the entire Exmortis series - recompiled with the highest possible quality sound and graphics settings, new scenes, outtakes, source material and various other bits and pieces. Unfortunately that is not possible now as I have lost all the Exmortis series source code as a result of the ass clown that decided to steal the result of 5 years of hard work from me...

    I am beyond consolable right now - constantly bouncing back and forth between depression and anger.

    I guess that I just wanted to say that even though this set back has demoralised me almost to the point of just walking away from everything and living like an internet depraved hermit, I still intend to soldier on with Exmortis 3 eventually. But it's going to be a long and arduous task to even get close to where I was before this happened. And right now, the daunting thought of the task ahead of me is too much to handle.

    Wish me luck, and hopefully when I am back on my feet I will start posting again. But right now, I'm too depressed to continue typing...

    Ben.

    35 comments:

    mary said...

    that is messed up. so sorry. the dickhead who stole your laptop deserves a good kicking! keep the faith ben!! there is some good in humanity, somewhere anyway.

    Dr Kevorkian said...

    So freakin' sorry for you!
    The arse face who stole your laptop should be ashamed.
    I hope it all turns good for you, and there is still SOME good in humanity, do not lose faith.

    Seth71393 said...

    FUCK THAT PIECE OF SHIT THAT STORE YOUR LAPTOP!!!!!!!!!! FUCK HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    Your REALLY having bad luck with Exmortis 3. First the computer crash, now this. With some luck, maybe he'll give back the pictures and exmortis files. You won't see the laptop or iPod again, I can assure that. DON"T LOSE FAITH IN HUMANITY!!!! Can't you track the laptop? IF you can and find out who stole it, make a game extra where your the exmortis demons and kill him. :)

    Seth71393 said...

    BEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I JUST THOUGHT OF SOMETHING!!!!! IF YOU CAN READ THIS, TRACK YOUR PHONE/LAPTOP!!!!!!!! IF EITHER OF THEM ARE ON, YOU CAN FIND THE THEIF!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE READ THIS BEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Charles said...

    Ben,

    I share a similar fate to yours. I am a college student chipping away at a history major, but on the side I've been writing a set of stories for about 3 years now. Just last year I decided to start compiling them together into a novel, sci-fi fantasy, you know...

    One day I was carrying my laptop and a printed copy of all the work I'd done so far (Both of which held all the data for my story in novel form), and biking off to see an old creative writing mentor of mine when someone drove past me and intentionally slapped their hand on the side of the car door.

    Ever hear of that urban myth about how bikers lose their balance when you slap a car door as you drive by?

    Well it wasn't so much a loss of equillibrium as a surprised jolt that sent me tumbling off of my bike and down a rather steep hill. My papers flew everywhere, many of them landing in a creek, and my laptop was smashed to pieces (Stupid junky plastic casings).

    I tried salvaging the hard drive and collecting as many papers as I could, but it only came to about a month's work being saved out of over a year's effort in all.

    For a long time I sulked, not touching my story, or really even thinking about it. I even considered removing all the short stories I was basing it off of, but eventually fate interviened.

    My mentor came to me one day a few months later and gave me a bit of advice. He said that an advantage could be seen in the very unfortunate event. He told me, because I was bringing the story to him, it was because I felt unsure of it's worth as a novel, and as such didn't have much confidence in it's content like an artist who truly believes in his work would have. He said that this would give me a chance to search for what had sparked my novel idea in the first place and perhaps rewrite it, aiming to keep my confidence of the story higher than it was before.

    Look at your misfortune as a chance to decide whether or not some good can come of a fresh start. Maybe it won't be exactly the same as your previous plan, but it has the potential to be even better as you have more plot evolution in your head than you did when you began.

    Good luck,
    Your fan,
    Pernos

    Seth71393 said...

    Listen to Charles, Ben.

    Fargus said...

    Fucking christ! This can't be happening! Fucking hell. Fucking FUCK! FUCK FUCK! Oh man if this guy gets caught.. well.. I can honestly say that HE IS FINISHED! (meaning the dude who stole ur laptop)

    Ben Leffler said...

    Thanks for your kind words, guys... Unfortunately for me to get back on track for Exmortis 3, it's going to be a complete from scratch redesign...

    But with each day that goes by, I'm getting a little more upbeat... So yeah - I'm keeping the faith and I will be back on my feet and reinvigorated soon enough hopefully...

    Thanks guys!

    Marvin said...

    Ben, this is the first time I get to talk to you. Its such an honor. I am usually one who doesnt like horror in general, especially anything that involves "end of the world" experiences but one day as I was failing my college classes I needed to clear my head. I played your game. I was scared shitless. I loved the game.

    That was last year and I have played part 1 and 2 (failed the classes though). Found your website and have been trying to keep up with the release of part 3. I read what happened just today and must say that I am saddened by your loss. I know what is like to be robbed. I had my stereo stolen out of my car on my birthday and felt the same. My only way thru it was to endure the misery. I know that you are both angry at the guy who stole the stuff. You are saddened by the loss. Yet I want to tell you not to give up. Not because of my love for the game or anyone elses. Its for the love you have making them. I have read your entries and you sounded more enthused than any of your fans could. I think that while the option of you quiting the project is available, I want to challenge you to proceed. Starting over always sucks. That doesnt mean that you should fear it. There is a saying where I live. Nobody can take what you learned from you, meaning all your experience gained from your work thus far, is somewhat in your head as much as you may disagree. I think you can get back to where you were in half the time, once you can get the proper equipment back. Hell maybe you can even improve from where you were. I know all your fans have this much faith in you.

    In conclusion, keep the faith man. I may not be good with design but if you need a hand with anything and I can help, reply and you will have my email in no time. I think a lot of your fans out there thinks the same as well. Humanity is falling but there are some good ones out there left man. Remember that with Ex 3.

    Steven said...

    Hi. I have an idea. I live in China now, where theft is common, (but violent crimes are not.) Anyway, there was this news item about a woman who had her purse and mobile phone stolen. She decided to send the thief text messages to her old phone number every day. (I forgot the number but it was like 100 or something messages she sent.) She kept trying to appeal to the thief's humanity, imploring him/her to keep the money but return her phone and purse and personal items. A few weeks later, she had given up hope as there was no response. But, only a few days later, she found all of her stuff returned to her doorstep with an anonymous letter from the theif apologizing.

    Now, could be that this is a made up story by the Chinese press or government, but I honestly don't think so. Maybe it would not work in your case, but I think it is worth a try. Can't hurt. If your thief was a common thief, perhaps he/she will decide to return at least your files and photos and personal possessions that are of no use to him/her anyway.

    Steven said...

    One last thing. I want to reinforce a couple of things that Marvin said in his excellent post.

    First, starting over does suck! But you're not alone. If you need help, just ask us. Despite all of our mutual interest in the darker aspects of humanity, thankfully the world is not nearly as bleak as it is in Exmortis! There are scumbags out there, yes, but there are also good people too. Don't forget that.

    And, once you get over the feelings of resentment and anger and loss, you will find that you can rebuild what was lost much faster than you did originally. In fact, being a creative type, you will probably do a few things differently this time around, actually improving upon your original ideas. Finally, maybe you can even use this experience as inspiration for a new addition to the Exmortis 3 story!

    pasawayz said...

    everything you lost you might pick up in a table somewhere. i could feel it. just hope the thief gets totally bad karma and... well whatever everyone wishes.

    Richard said...

    Hi Ben Leffler,

    I have joined to say congratulations on your visually exciting flash games you have created over the past two games, you have a fascinating talent in your line of work.
    I must say I feel terrible for you right now, to lose all your hard work just like that...I do hope this situation does not put you off at all, you still have much more to show everyone that appreciates your work.
    If you must, swallow your pride and start anew. Starting over may be a good thing, since you may discover more of your hidden ideas that is sure to amaze us all. In your shoes, I truly understand how you feel, and I do not blame you if you will not continue with the project.
    I wish you all the luck from me and everone.

    RICHARD

    Seth71393 said...

    How was it stolen? Did the theif break in your house? Did he swipe it when you weren't looking? I have an Idea..... What company is your laptop? Dell?

    GrimDude said...

    Wow. Just when I thought people couldnt get any more fucked up. Well you know what they say:
    "Shit Happens"
    That is an understatement though. Anyway its realy sad to hear about your laptop getting stolen, along with most of the Exmortis and your personal work, but like many others have said, im sure you WILL get it back. At least you should if there is any justice in this screwed over place we call Earth. Have faith in the good guys Ben, lord knows how hard it is to actualy be one. All the best Jake.
    P.S. I hope the guy who stole the laptop is consumed by guilt and hands the laptop over, shortly before throwing his waste of air ass of of the tallest building he can find. Oh and if you need to start Exmortis 3 again, then good luck, im sure it will be even beter than the old source. Having said that concentrate on replacing your career stuff ya know, its a lot more important than a game for a bunch of nerds like me :)

    Pablo K. said...

    Green day had an entire album and its copies stolen before they could release it. They decide to create a new one from scratch. The made their most successful album ever.
    Starting over can be a bad thing.
    Or it can be the chance to do your very best.
    This advice may sound sillly, but you could get sponsorship from Nintendo or something like that to release EXMORTIS 1,2,3 as a single console game.
    Just like ALIEN HOMINID!!!!.... Maybe you can get help from Tom, Dan, and the others!

    The_/-\_TANK said...

    Yo Ben,

    I read the news, I hope karma gets that basturd theif back, and if he's the guy that robbed my house, i hope for his sake he never runs into me.... >:(

    Anywayz, as I'm writing this I waz listening to this song, here's the chorus to that song that might
    cheer you up.

    "Carry on my wayward son,
    There'll be peace when you are done
    Lay your weary head to rest
    Don't you cry no more."

    Last thing, if you'll be in need of help for rebuilding you're little project, i may be able to help ya. I know a really good amount about flash. But then again, you might want to do this alone, im just offering help.

    Don't push yourself, go at your own pace. Good Luck.

    The_/-\_TANK said...

    one more thing, I've also had flash projects going on at home,
    but then i end up losing all the data. I feel pissed off and let my rage out on my punching bag. :)

    Then i get back to my project and the next thing I knew, it was like 100 times better than it waz before. (EG: Graphics, story)

    So just buy a punching bag, beat the shit out of it, then return to your project and then you'll have a bretter esult than your last attempt.

    Hopefully, the curse of exmortis has left you and inhabited that theif.

    And again, I say bye.

    Evan said...

    Did your phone get stolen? If so, call the number. If that fails, do it again, and again, and again. It may not be on, but do it several times. Did you remember what he looked like? Report him to the police, describing the bastard as vividly as possible. Tell the police his body statue, his eye color, etc. Try not to give away hair description, as he can change his looks to avoid custody.

    Listen, if you want your shit back, put my notion into some form of consideration. I'm just trying to help you recover your belongings out of anticipation for Exmortis 3. He *probaly* wont want a picture of Lord Vlaew demolishing all of humanity by his bed at night. Good luck, and I bid you a farewell. I'm just aghast at what people can do these days.

    Evan said...

    Did your phone get stolen? If so, call the number. If that fails, do it again, and again, and again. It may not be on, but do it several times. Did you remember what he looked like? Report him to the police, describing the bastard as vividly as possible. Tell the police his body statue, his eye color, etc. Try not to give away hair description, as he can change his looks to avoid custody.

    Listen, if you want your shit back, put my notion into some form of consideration. I'm just trying to help you recover your belongings out of anticipation for Exmortis 3. He *probaly* wont want a picture of Lord Vlaew demolishing all of humanity by his bed at night. Good luck, and I bid you a farewell. I'm just aghast at what people can do these days.

    kristen1027 said...

    Oh my god, I am so sorry. I'm just disappointed that I can't play a game but I can't imagine how terrible that is for you. For some dick to steal years of hard work. The really stupid thing is, is that the idiot has no clue what he has. Hope you did everything you could. File a police report etc. You'll get back on track and Exmortis 3 will be spectacular. Your work is good enough to wait for.

    Sending you good wishes,

    Kristen

    Kenny said...

    Well, everyone else has pretty much said everything is to say. Exmortis 1 and 2 are easily my favorite games on the internet, and I'm sure when you finish 3 it will be even better. Hopefully the douche that stole your stuff will come to their senses and at least return the stuff that has no value to them. Good luck!
    Kenny

    X0DeathBlooms0X said...

    First off, I wanna say your work is amazing. I loved both the games. Sorry about what happened. At this point after everything, it seems like its gonna be a long road ahead of you...I just wanna let you know that you have much support from your fans, and Im sure that the completed game is going to be amazing. Dont give up on us! Lol...I need more!!! Hang in there and good luck with everything! ~Kate

    Nicole said...

    That is so heartbreaking! I feel ever so sorry for you! Not just because you lost all your stuff on Exmortis, but everything else!!! Just keep your head up! You have fans here that support you 100%!

    <3
    Nicole

    Rommal said...

    This is awful, i was REALLY looking forward to Exmortis 3 :(

    Still, never keep your backups in the same place as the auctal data.

    Rommal said...

    This sucks!

    Its the fact you lost ALL your portfolio that i see as horrible. Emortis 3 is still fresh in your mind at least. :(

    Make sure to store the backups in a safe spot next time.

    Mcpeepants said...

    OMG NO! PLEASE NO NO NO THIS CANT BE HAPPENING!!! FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCK FUCK MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    GODAMMIT!!!!!!!

    Anyways, as others have said, I hope karma gets that dickhead back. Please, Don't give up! You have billions of fans everywhere who are awaiting eagerly for your next masterpiece! I was so excited when i read that 3 was finished.......then I read your newest post...I nearly shat myself when I heard about the dvd. Please, carry on with 3 and for the love of god release that dvd!

    If i ever see that bastard I'll blow his fvcking brains out!

    Mcpeepants said...

    OMG NO! PLEASE NO NO NO THIS CANT BE HAPPENING!!! FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCK FUCK MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    GODAMMIT!!!!!!!

    Anyways, as others have said, I hope karma gets that dickhead back. Please, Don't give up! You have billions of fans everywhere who are awaiting eagerly for your next masterpiece! I was so excited when i read that 3 was finished.......then I read your newest post...I nearly shat myself when I heard about the dvd. Please, carry on with 3 and for the love of god release that dvd!

    If i ever see that bastard I'll blow his fvcking brains out!

    psychotic symphony said...

    whao, I'm dumbstruck, I actually started breathing heavily with anxiety as I read it. sure if he knew exmortis he wouldn't have left that at least, he's a tweaker dumbass. don't worry about the game at all till you've gotten what you can back, your cd collection should be back before any of the exmortis stuff, sorry ben, good luck with getting that part of your life back.

    faytar said...

    me and my girlfriend loved playing exmortis 1 and 2 and were we were very sorry to hear about your lost laptop
    your are realy talented and we think your exmortis story would make a great movie , we wish you well and hope to your depression lifts

    Richard said...

    That really sucks, someone stole my cellphone while in was in the theatre. But thats nothing compared what happened to you. Have both the cellphone and computer tracked. I think if you have the serial code or what not it can be found. Maybe you also had the security block on it to begin with. Atleast you cang et your comp back in some manner. I hope the guy who stole it rotts. If someone stle my my laptop i would track himdown and make sure he couldnt do it again. No no not murder call the police and have him sent away. What im not that psycho 0_0. Just im hoping you get it back. I would be in the same state as you if i lost everything

    beener said...

    hey your games are awsome take all the time needed to recouperate from all the stress dont worry its always darkes before dawn. things will pick up slowly as it may seem but they will. take care and good luck

    InchaosItrust said...

    ...Bravo Bravo, though i know this post is about you losing your possesions and my mood may not fit the blog, but I'm overwhelmed with joy and inspiration. I am completely new to the Ex Mortis series and just finished the second episode only about 10minutes ago, I didnt really catch on to the end until the the demon starting talking about manipulation then it dawned on me since that was the demons main attribute lol

    but about the inspiration, right now im trying to piece together a story about humanity of course pitted on the brink of destruction so on and so forth....though i will not use any thing from your story because i am greatly against plagerizing, the focus of your story and elements has given me a better scope of how to draw my vision up of what and what not to do in order for suspense and what have you, though it may not be about demons it will come to show and help the reader understand how weak and clumsy the human species is compared to the wild in the aftermath of a devastating war, and how humanity should not forget how to educate them self in living off the land and living without the use of technology, which really doesn't seem that far off due to the upcoming oil peak crisis

    Though I am sorry about your loses, but like bacque (i believe is his name, and im paraphrasing)

    you can destroy the sheet music im playing from but you can not erase my memory, so though you may have lost your notes and other possesions for as long as you are creative im sure you have the ability to re-create or make it even better than you yourself anticipated, in chaos and destruction there is always oppurtunity you just gotta look in the right place

    Dant35crazy said...

    Hey Ben LOVE the exmortis games, INCREDIBLY creative, it takes alot of effort and tallent to come up with that kind of story line, as 4 the guy who stole ur laptop, don't worry, Karma never fails.. keep ur head up and know that ur fans love u! don't ever let nething so small affect u so big, nd i do agree with seth, put the bastard in the game but alive and under lots and lots of torture.. =]
    i have lots of friends that also support u so just remember were all rooting 4 u!!

    p.s. wud love 2 chat!
    AIM : Dude16dms
    Myspace : ***BAM BAM***

    John said...

    Might there be a connection between this and Nightrose? Just a thought, but a extremely logical one at that.
    ~John